"It's nothing. You're stressing over nothing."

This doesn't feel like nothing.

This feels like being pummeled with stones of fury

as brutal voices mockingly demand for me to stand.

 This feels like pain and helplessness...

like weakness, uncertainty and guilt.

They say peace is on the horizon,

but all I see are jagged rocks

and barbed wire walls

planted on barren ground,

barring me from moving forward.

It's ensnaring,

entrapping,

tugging,

shoving,

scratching.

It feels like bruises

and aching

and despair.

My God, my God,

have you forsaken me?

Or is this another trial

to show me I can endure more

than what seems humanly bearable...

I'm trying,

fighting

and I feel as if I'm dying

in the pain and stress and fatigue.

I'm clinging to the lifestyle you taught me

and hoping for that moment where you break through

and make it better.

 I believe in you.

and your unfailing Love.

I believe in your loyalty;

that you can pull me through this.

But believing

isn't making enduring

any easier.

Have mercy on me,

for I can't do this alone.

Give me strength like Job

to endure the things I don't understand.

When all is stolen from me,

give me wisdom like Solomon

so that I may comprehend.

Because the reasoning of man has failed.

Know that I am Yours

and do with me what you will.

With you I will persevere.

As long as I am here,

I will persevere.

Continuing on with this poetry theme... I think this one pretty much speaks for itself.

It’s the days when no one picks up the phone.

When friends seem d i s t a n t

And you’ve forgotten the feel of home.

It’s the days when nothing feels right

And you feel guilty for the things that aren’t yours to be at fault.

It’s the days when the anxiety makes it hard to sleep,

And your shoulders are carrying a weight you can’t see.

It’s the pain that doesn’t have a name;

The loneliness you can’t explain.

But you know that the ache in your heart is real.

It’s these days…

I choose not to give up.

Persevere. Hold on. Look UP. Seek the good.

Reasons to smile.

(it’s going to be okay)

Tomorrow’s a new day.

Keep fighting, keep looking UP.

Don’t give up Hope.

There’s a light at the end of this dark tunnel

But you have to keep moving.

   I'm not a poet, and I say that because I've never sat down and intentionally written a poem. Well, except for this one about a gummy bear. Yet for some reason there are times when I sit down and try to sort out feelings or experiences into words only to create some strange tangle of illustrations that end up looking like poetry. This is one of them. It's about an internal struggle I was facing about three years ago. I think one of the hardest things about these kinds of battles is it's hard to conquer something when you don't even know what it is. It's like you don't know why, but you can feel you're off kilter somehow and you know that turmoil inside you is caused by something real. It's a tough feeling... and that's what this poem talks about.

In silence, a |muted| thunder

reverberating,

s h a k i n g,

quaking beneath the

stillness of cool waters.

Ripples distort a [perfect picture],

the reflection of something beautiful

twisted beyond recognition.

Smiles mask sad eyes,

Facade has always been a friend of mine.

Is it you or is it me?

Which is blind, which can see

the TRUTH of what’s happening around me?

The truth is that I think too much.

I don’t know.

I just watch the waters ripple.

Never moving,

just observing

These sightless eyes

SET upon the unnerving.

So silence befriend me,

like you always have.

I hide behind a mask

you’ll never see beyond.

The truth is that there’s hurting,

and I don’t know the answers.

The questions stir restless;

without progress,

sought in vain

through a name

I don’t recognize anymore.

How do you voice

what has no words?

How do you understand

what lacks definition?